Thoughts

Dear Dayre,

Isn't it annoying whenever you want to sleep early for a big day but yet you just can't fall asleep? 😪

I need to be up at 7am and it's already 3am sigh.

Mind is working on overdrive when it can't get to sleep.

It's been a good five months, though five months is nothing put against almost 10 years?

So much I wish I could say but it's not the best thing to do. All I can say is that people can judge and make whatever negative comments they wish, or even take sides against me.

God knows how much I've done for this relationship in the past ten years.

My silence is out of respect and courtesy.

marriage.

Over the past five months, I've received countless of DMs, private messages and emails from other women – Some are simple notes of encouragement, others wanted to share with me that they had gone through something similar themselves, yet others sought advice from me on their relationship/marriage.

The most 心酸 of all were the few who told me that they were happy for me to have decided what's best for myself but were not in the same position as me to do so due to their circumstances somehow.

Look, I am also in no position to give advice myself, because I understand how unique each and every relationship is, and I most certainly do not advocate disavowment of your marriage.

No one enters into a marriage (or for that matter, a relationship) wanting it to fail, or not wanting it to work out.

You have no idea how much I struggled with the idea of "breaking" the sanctity of marriage vows – These words kept running through my head, "Marriage – Isn't it through better or worse, and through sickness and health?"

Where exactly do those four words end and where do they take you?

How many women do you know who are trapped in a bad marriage but feel powerless to leave because of various reasons – Be it for their children, the shame of divorce, or financial issues… There are so many around 🙁

A lot of people blame the rising number of divorces on our fickle generation that can't go through hardship, but I beg to differ. (Of course, I'm just talking about women in this scenario. There are also men in bad marriages as well)

The real change is the fact that women are now in a position of independence and power. Thanks to education and gender equality, we can feed and cloth ourselves and be completely independent. That's not common with the generation of our parents and grandparents, when the women were homemakers with little education and even lesser money.

If you're having problems in your marriage or in your relationship, try to solve those problems. Try to talk to your spouse. Try to go for counselling. Try to give time for the situation to change.

But these marriage vows do NOT mean you have to go through any forms of abuse, or be subject to a lifetime of unhappiness til death do us part.

Be honest with yourself. Fundamental problems cannot be repeatedly swept under the rug however much you would like your marriage to work out.

It is inevitable to have differences. But if certain repeated issues keep cropping up and lead to toxic relationship habits, you may need to seriously relook your relationship or marriage and ask yourself if you're headed in the right direction.

Just remember – Always love yourself first

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