"I'm still alive but i'm barely breathing"
Ok Ok kidding that's just song lyrics ok? I'm most definitely alive and breathing.. It's just that I've been going through a complicated time for the past month and there wasn't much I could do about it or was able to share on social media without the worry of ramifications or implication of myself and other parties I care about.
I like to share positive and cheery content online – Not because of the need to portray such an image, but I just feel like the world would be a better place somehow. I am genuinely excited to share happy thoughts and experiences because that's me most of the time, I'm pretty much a positive and happy person, I think.
Unfortunately though, the past month has been anything but positive or cheerful or uplifting for me – It's been a struggle to keep up work and business as usual for TVD and I just couldn't do the same for my social media commitments which so highly revolves around my life when it got turned upside down since 6th March 2017.
I'm not going to talk much about what happened because it has been absolutely draining both emotionally and physically for the past four weeks. Life has been a lot of drama and a crazy rollercoaster of events and emotions.
Just know that I'm (as) okay (as I can be) right now and I am so tired of the entire mess that I don't feel like talking about it -If you're my friend and you see this, please don't text me and ask me what happened, I'm really too sapped of energy to even begin explaining.
I was hurt, confused, upset, then misunderstood, accused and blamed, but no one knows clearer than I about the truth of matters. And I don't hold anyone at fault for believing otherwise because this is how messy and screwed up human relationships can become when things start heading south.
I'm not here to justify myself or win sympathy from readers – Like I said, I know very well what exactly took place and no one will be able to understand fully without being in my shoes.
I know that I'm not the only hurt party here – I'm not so selfish to think that I'm the only one who's had a difficult time the past month. It's been a terrible period for everyone involved, but I'm gonna look like the bad person because I was the one that made the decision to walk away.
And I'm okay with that. I couldn't stay any longer. I really tried. I did.
I might still be in a shithole now but I believe that despite how shitty the situation is right now, all will be for the better in time to come. I can only hold on firmly to this thought to carry me through and give me strength to move on without being battered, bruised or broken down.
I am so thankful that I have been surrounded by never-ending support from the people around me who love me and care about me – I would have crumbled without them keeping me together in one piece.
The light at the end of the tunnel is still far away, but I will hold my head up high and keep faith.
I know I will be happier 😊
Spent my Sunday resting and decluttering the mess that is my room – I cleared out SO much junk but it's way way neater now!