is this the real life..? is this just fantasy?

Dear Dayre,

I'm not sure if anyone has been following me on snapchat and seeing that I've been posting up some rather new stuff recently.

I'm technically not supposed to be able to say much as nothing is officially released… But I am so so so so so so so excited that I can't keep it to myself anymore ๐Ÿ™Š

Well I submitted an entry for an upcoming StarHub online singing competition and… I got past the initial auditions!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Can everyone just collectively scream together with me right now, like this

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Ok guys don't get overexcited yet. Cos firstly this show isn't gonna be broadcast on tv, it will be broadcast online! ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

So maybe that's even better than tv? Haha

Honestly when I submitted my video clip for the first round of auditions, I didn't have very high hopes because I thought my video was quite mediocre! I recorded it during my Hong Kong trip, yodelling away in my apartment at close to midnight. ๐Ÿ˜‚ It took me like an hour to finally warm up and get a recording I felt was satisfactory.

Right after I returned from Manila on Friday morning, I was informed that I had gotten through to the second round of closed door auditions to be held on Saturday!!

Remember I was talking about my stage fright?

That day was the first live audition for the show and I swear I was so friggin nervous ๐Ÿ˜ญ

My audition slot was for the first batch and I was the last contestant to audition so I could hear everyone just whacking and whacking ahead of me ๐Ÿ˜‚ Just kidding la not all whacking.

But definitely nerve-WRECKING. I heard a lot of good voices and very good singing and it was rather unnerving ๐Ÿ˜ฐ

I wasn't getting my hopes up very high cos I didn't want to be disappointed when I didn't get through, you know?

After completing the first live audition, I really didn't know how I fared cos I was really nervous and I'm sure it showed in my singing ๐Ÿ˜ญ I tend to get very shaky and tense when I'm in that stage of feeling physically anxious.

We were released after auditions and told that those who got through to the next round on the following day would be informed that same evening.

So although I was trying not to get my hopes up, I was on tenterhooks the entire day, constantly checking my phone for any news from the production team/crew.

The waiting part is always the worst. It's like whether I'm in or not, just let me know so that I don't need to be in suspense any longer?!!

At 6PM, my fellow contestant texted me excitedly to tell me that he got a phone call and that he was through to the next round. Woah!!!

I got a little more jittery after that because then I was sort of hoping for a phone call soon.. I mean, there are only this many contestants that successfully made it to the next round of auditions that you need to contact, right?!

So I waited and waited… And waited somemore.

And once it hit around 8-9pm, I had lost all hope already because I didn't receive anythinggg at allllll! Sobs.

It was like this. Hahahahaa

Thing is, I had explicitly told the team to message me if possible because I would be in rehearsal the entire day and might not be able to pick up any calls cos of the poor reception in the rehearsal studio.

So I thought maybe they didn't call me but would text me or something instead. But… Nothing.

Can't deny that I was rather crestfallen because I had hoped to make it through, of course.

Inside, I was like this ๐Ÿ˜ญ

And I told my friend, "Eh bro. I think I no hope liao la.. Didn't receive any call or message from them leh. You must jiayou and do us proud ok??"

This bro of mine went like "NO LAAAA IMPOSSIBLE!!! You wait until 10pm okay?! Sure have one!"

Well with his verbal encouragement, I still held on to some hope and I kept checking my phone til 10pm, and even checked my email before I gave it up as a lost cause cos I really had zilch, nada, zero notifications.

Gave up and went to sleep.

But a small part of me still had this very wild hope, LOL. Usually I set my phone to silent mode with no vibration so I don't get disturbed in the middle of the night. That night, I decided to put my phone on regular mode JUST IN CASE… I received a phone call in the morning?!

One can dream right ๐Ÿ˜‚

The logical and sensible part of me had already resigned to fate lah, and was consoling myself in my head "Aiya, just another audition that I didn't get through, ็ฎ—ไบ†!"

So please try to imagine how surreal it was when I was woken up on Sunday morning with a phone call from an unknown number.

Still not daring to hope, I picked up the call (while I was still in bed, mind you) and the person on the line went like, "Hi Yina, are you on your way for audition soon…?"

My tiny sliver of wild crazy hope… Actually came true????

Of course, the first thing I did in my bleary-eyed just-woken-up state was to calm myself down and tell the crew on the line that I didn't receive any notification that I was through to the next round! I mean, I was seriously afraid they made a mistake you know and they'd called up the wrong number?!

My heart ๅ—ไธไบ†้‚ฃไนˆๅคšๆ‰“ๅ‡ปไบ†!

Anyway, it really felt very unreal at that moment ๐Ÿ˜ณ

The next thing I heard on the line was…

"Hi Yina! Oh we sent you an email to your email address you mean you didn't see it? I'm SOOO sorry I can't believe no one tried to contact you yesterday but congratulations you made it to the next round!! Can you rush down for the audition right now..?"

Please scream together with me again.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

่ฟ™ๆฌก็š„ๅฐ–ๅซๆ˜ฏๅ› ไธบๅคชๆƒŠ่ฎถไบ†!!!

่€ๅจ˜ไป€ไนˆ้ƒฝๆฒกๅ‡†ๅค‡๏ผŒไฝ ๅฐฑๅซๆˆ‘็Žฐๅœจ็ซ‹ๅˆปๅŽปaudition, ๆˆ‘็š„ๅฆˆๅ•Š!!!!

Definitely an emotional roller coaster ride so far and the actual competition hadn't even started ๐Ÿ˜ฐ

I immediately started getting myself ready while panicking over my choice of audition song: totally did not prepare because I thought that I didn't even make it through to the next round!

Song choice is super important for any auditions or competitions because you have to showcase the best of your voice in a short few minutes.

Pick a safe song, and it may be too boring to impress. But on the other hand, if you choose a song that's vocally challenging and you don't perform well, it's a suicide mission too. Stressed!

That Saturday and Sunday really had me experiencing highs and lows ๐Ÿ˜… ๆœ‰ไธ€็งไปŽๅœฐ็‹ฑ้ฃžไธŠๅคฉๅ ‚๏ผŒๅ†ๆŽ‰ๅ…ฅๅœฐ็‹ฑ็š„ๆ„Ÿ่ง‰ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Nevertheless, I told myself, "Since you already thought you didn't get thru yesterday's audition, you've already experienced what it feels like to be disappointed and dejected already. This is almost like a second chance to try again! ๅ…จ้ƒจ่ฑๅ‡บๅŽปๅ•ฆ!!!

Which helped me feel slightly less nervous about it y'know, because, what do I stand to lose from doing this? Just a blow to my ego, I suppose.

On a side note: I later realised that the team had sent an email on Saturday night 10pm to my blog email address which…. I didn't check because it's not synced on my phone ๐Ÿ˜…

So after fasterly slapping on some makeup and agonizing over what to wear, I made haste to the audition venue feeling excited and nervous at the same time!

When I got to the audition venue, the other contestants were all lined up and the auditions were about to start.

All of us were put into a sequence and then went up one by one on stage to ๆธ…ๅ”ฑ (sing without any backing accompaniment unless you brought your own instrument) while the two judges watched/listened and gave some comments.

Since I arrived the latest obviously, I was put last in the entire string of contestants (AGAIN!) ๐Ÿ˜จ Which means I had to sit through every single contestant's performance before it was my turn last and everyone one else would have finished their audition and could concentrate on watching mine ๐Ÿ˜ณ

This was already the third audition, so these remaining contestants were all of a certain standard already.

After sitting through over an hour of torturous waiting and also sussing out all the fellow contestants and listening to great voices, it was finally my turn to go up there and show what I was made of.

Which…. To be honest, wasn't very much ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Despite all the mental cheerleading I gave myself, I was still nervous and I felt that I didn't do as good as I would have done in a relaxed state! But you know what, that's exactly what I need to work on, so I really tried to give as good as I had.

Remember that I hardly had any time to prep for the audition at all and was singing a song that I knew but wasn't extremely familiar with.

่™ฝ็„ถ่ฟ˜ไธๆ˜ฏๅพˆ็จณ๏ผŒไธ่ฟ‡ๆˆ‘ๅฐฑๅฐฝ้‡ๅœฐๅœจๆญŒๅ”ฑไธญๆŠ•ๅ…ฅๆˆ‘ๆ‰€ๆœ‰็š„ๆ„Ÿๆƒ…!

Commercial Break Time! ๐Ÿ˜‚
New arrivals and restocks in on www.thevelvetdolls.sg! ๐ŸŒŸ

This Bohemian Rhapsody Dress is very very the chio ๐Ÿ˜ Absolutely in love with the boho prints and the high-low hem!

I so see it on a beach vacay or a dressed-down-but-not Sunday brunch!

Everyone's favourite Arianna Off-Shoulder Dress has just been restocked too in some best-selling colors!!

There are other new arrivals and restocks and backorders available so pop over to our website and check it out okay ๐Ÿ˜š

End of commercial break! ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

Need to have some suspense right like watching drama show like that need a commercial break before the next exciting part. ๐Ÿ™Š

Ok so back to the audition. After I finished my audition, the judges spoke a little to me but basically SAID NOTHING ABOUT MY SINGING.

To understand the scenario better, you must know that the judges did give out quite a lot of comments that day y'know? Good or bad comments, both also have. In my opinion, got comment means they noticed you, right?

What happened next actually made me a little sad ๐Ÿ˜ญ

A little back story on the judges and myself is that.. Five years ago, these two judges/mentors have seen YZ and I perform for the duet competition we took part in together, but I hadn't had any contact with them since. I didn't know if they still recognized or remembered me from the previous competition so long ago.

After I got off stage and the auditions "officially" ended, one of the judges actually pulled me aside to speak to me.

Hey, I don't remember your diction sounding like this the last time I heard you sing.. Braces..?

In my head to myself: "DAMN YOU BANE OF MY LIFE, YOU BLOODY LISP I HATE YOU FOREVER AND EVER."

On the outside: I smiled a little and just explained that I've actually been unable to pronounce certain consonants (which by the way is one of the words I try to avoid because there are too many bloody "S"s in it) properly because I've had a lisp since childhood, but perhaps it was more obvious when I sing solo as opposed to during the duet competition with YZ.

Also, the word lisp is so damn cruel because anyone with a lisp HAS TROUBLE PRONOUNCING THE WORD LISP.

It sounds closer to "LITHSP" when I say it ๐Ÿ˜’

Of course, I was a tiny bit happy because the judges/mentors sorta remembered me!

But to be pulled aside and asked about my lisp.. Didn't bode well at all and I felt kind of dejected again. This is like an existentialistic problem for me. I always say that God has a funny sense of humor. He gave me a love for singing, and a speech impediment. ๐Ÿ˜ž

I asked the judge outright, "Do you think it affects my singing a lot?" And he replied me, "Well, in a way of course because it affects how clear your diction is.."

Even though I have come to accept this cute little speech problem as part of myself, it's times like this that bring my morale down and the feeling of hopelessness (I know it sounds very ๅคธๅผ ) weighs down heavy in my stomach.

I have always always been self-conscious about my speech issues especially when it comes to singing. I can make it less obvious and even conceal my lisp a little but sometimes it's glaringly obvious and I really hate it โ˜น๏ธ

The lisp is also worse when picked up on microphone which is why I'm also very iffy about talking in front of a video camera or microphone.

The combination of stage nerves, dry mouth, lack of preparation and unforgiving microphone definitely weren't in my favour sighhhh ๐Ÿ˜ญ

Well after that short chat with the judges, all us contestants were told to go for lunch break and come back in 45 mins time while the judges deliberated over the results to decide who would get through the audition!

At this point of time I was feeling quite "meh" because having my lisp brought up by the judges wasn't a good sign to me, and truth be told I wasn't all that confident about my performance during the audition, lisp or no lisp. Especially after hearing so many other good voices too!

Fellow gan cheong contestants all super hungry and we walked to the nearest place that sold food and ended up with an entire roast duck (with no rice because it was a roast meat wholesale kinda stall and didn't sell rice?!) for lunch.

You know how it's like everyone ๅฟƒ้‡Œๆœ‰ๆ•ฐ, some people are ultra confident that they will make it and others are sure they flunked it. You can see it on everyone's faces or even how they behave.

But I gotta say that the results were really ่ถ…ๅ‡บ้ข„ๆ–™!

Outwardly, all the contestants were quite calm and we were just chatting, eating and joking away before we were called back into the auditorium for the announcement of audition results.

On the inside though, I bet many of us contestants were probably feeling this way instead lol!

You know hor, I have to say that broadcast competitions are probably the worst for nerves. Why? Because they have to make everything as friggin dramatic as possible for it to be interesting to the viewer.

How many of you have watched ๆˆ‘ๆ˜ฏๆญŒๆ‰‹ and their super nerve-wrecking results announcement segment? ๐Ÿ˜‚

Which is also why my story is so exciting, right?

But unfortunately… I have to end my story here with a cliff-hanger because I'm not allowed to reveal too much until the show officially starts broadcasting online!

๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค

Sorry all you campers. This is about as far as the story can get now but I promise to be back and update more ONCE I CAN.

I am SOOOOO incredibly excited to be in til this far though, not really for any fame, but just to be able to pursue something I love doing so much, so very much! ๐Ÿ˜ญ

Still feels like a dream right now.

On a side-note, I've been reading up on adult lisps and some say it is improper tongue placement and all that which can be corrected.

I don't know whether can or not but I'm experimenting with placing my tongue differently and pronouncing the syllable "Sssssss" as well as I can.

I wasn't able to roll my tongue in "Rrrrrrrrrrr" last time but after a lot of practice because it's required to sing a lot of the Latin/Italian/Spanish music we do for choir, I can roll my tongue pretty well now!!!

Who knows…? Maybe I'll be able to correct it or even just improve it! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป

I'm also really really hoping to somehow gain more experience, improve through this competition and get a hold on my horrid stage anxiety, which always leaves me feeling disappointed with myself for not being able to be my best when I most need to!

Haven't been so excited over anything for a really long time. Seems like no matter what, singing is still one of my greatest passions ๐Ÿ˜Œ

So stay tuned for the next episode okay? ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

Meanwhile, you can actually look for me on snapchat if you're interested to find out what I'm gonna be up to these few days! #hearmesing

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