Dear Dayre,
Good morning!
Today is a bad selfie day. Can't get the right angle to look nice somehow, is it because it's too early and my face is still puffy? ๐ข Took ten hundred shots before I ended up with… This shot that looks halfway decent ๐
Currently on location to carry on filming for the same campaign as yesterday.. Can't wait to wrap it up this afternoon woohoo! ๐ช๐ป๐ช๐ป๐ช๐ป
Anyway.. New blog post on the blog..!
As you know..
I've been struggling with weight loss MY ENTIRE LIFE.
This is me in 2004. 12 years ago (when I was 17?) the time stamp on the photo is wrong I think! Cos I remember it was CNY the year after I graduated from secondary school, thus the blond rebonded hair.
Bad hair and horrible fashion choices aside… I was a freakin' pink WHALE.
TBH, I wasn't THAT fat when I was young, like maybe before I was 10 years old? I was just a little chubby, but I think I really started putting on weight when I was around 11-12 years old.
I think I loved food too much. I loved junk food, I looked forward to recess time everyday and after school I would visit 7-11 with my girlfriend and we'd have cup noodles and a big gulp lol or have a huge bowl of tom yam ban mian that was right across my secondary school!
I put on weight rapidly during puberty and from Sec 1 to Sec 4 I actually put on weight from 50kg to 62kg!
That's friggin' 12kg omg.
I was called various names by people around me and was also compared to the celebrity Chen Li Ping cos people would joke that I looked like her (or rather her size….)
If you've been fat before, you'd understand what it feels like la. It's really very hurting to be called names and laughed at for being fat.
One incident I shared in my blog post is about how when I was in Sec 2, me and a bunch of neighbors were all hanging out together, and one of the boys got teased for "liking" me
He immediately responded with, "Huh, why would I like Yina, she is so ugly and fat?"
He might as well as just thrown a brick at my head because those words really hurt, man.
My fashion choices were severely limited by my size cos I tried to hide my fats by wearing black tee shirts most of the time. In fact I spent most of my poly life in those baggy camp orientation tee shirts and baggy berms.
And also long long long rebonded hair that I think I subconsciously thought would make me look a bit smaller.
If you're wondering why I was so tan as well, I also felt like at least being tan would make me look slightly sportier or less like a "็ฝๆฉ้ธก" or ็ฝ็ฝ่่ ๐๐๐
I was single throughout my teenage years because I was fat.
I think there were actually one or two guys who were a little interested in me, but I always felt like I wasn't attractive enough for anyone to like me and I treated all my guy friends like my "buddies".
And I think it's seriously annoying when boys tell you "You know, if you lost some weight, you would be pretty!"
Fat girls hate hearing this ok. Inside I would be going like *FFFFFFFFF ไฝ * and outside I'd just smile politely.
I tried to half-ass diet many times, but I just couldn't control my eating and also I hated exercise. So I never managed to lose weight successfully during my secondary school and polytechnic days at all.
My lifestyle also contributed because I studied design in poly and that means a lot of late nights in school and macdonalds meals and cup noodles. Food was my only source of comfort sometimes and I couldn't stop eating!
When I graduated and moved on to working life, it was the same. I was working in an office full of guys who treated me like another "buddy" and sometimes teased and jibed at me for being fat. I looked forward to lunch time and dinner time everyday because the food around my office (Katong area) was really good!
I guess I just gave up on any hopes of ever being slim and attractive because I had been fat since forever. ๅฐฑ่ฎฉๆไธ่พๅญๅไธช่ๅฆๅง!
So what triggered me to lose weight..?
Well I've always loved to sing, and when I was around 18 years old, I decided to join a "่บไบบ่ฎญ็ป็ญ" at a music school together with my friend Elaine.
During the programme, we were "trained" to behave like we were artistes in training and had to do lots of stuff like how to speak on camera, ่ขไฝ่ฏญ่จ (body language), how to ่ฏป็จฟ (read from scripts) etc and etc.
My mentor thought I had a lot of potential to be groomed and he encouraged me to lose weight so that I might have an opportunity to be groomed.
In fact.. I've never shared this online before but because my mentor had many connections, he was asked if he knew anyone who wanted to try out this new medical machine that performed liposuction.
This clinic had just brought in the machine and needed "patients" for the training as the foreign doctor had to guide the local doctor on how to use the machine.
That's how I ended up having liposuction done at the age of 19 years old.
Yes, at the age of 19, I got my mother to sign the parental consent form to have a serious medial procedure, LIPOSUCTION, done on me.
And I did it cos I just needed to pay like what, $700? To cover the cost of the ops, instead of paying $2-3k for the procedure.
I think I was really desperate to see if lipo would help me lose weight. It wasn't like I was seeing any weight loss anyway.
The procedure itself is something I still vividly remember til today.
I was given a sleeping drug that was supposed to sedate me during the operation, on top of which local anaesthetic would numb the area during the procedure (the liposuction was done on my tummy).
Unfortunately though, I was either too wired up or the drug had no effect on me because I WAS AWAKE throughout the entire surgery which took about 3 hours.
And it hurt, of course it did!
Imagine four incisions made in your abdomen, two under your boobs, and two above your hip bones. Then, four tubes will be inserted via those incisions and the tubes will suck up the fats that have been already vigorously agitated with ultrasound.
I was awake throughout and even though there was anesthetic, I could feel it. I could feel the tubes going into my body and ravaging the fat cells.
The doctor tried to give me another injection to sedate me but somehow it didn't work and i stayed awake until the end of the operation.
By the way, if you're wondering what lipo-ed fats look like, just imagine mashed potato with some tomato sauce. That's exactly what it looked like to me.
I remember my friend came to pick me up after the operation and sent me home because he was so concerned about me. And the next few days were the worst days of my life.
My tummy had to be totally wrapped up in a compression garment for the next two weeks, and the bruises that formed on my tummy were horrible. The deep soreness from the injured tissues were so painful that I could only walk like a 80-year old lady the next day I went back to work.
I remember climbing the overhead bridge outside my house step by step and it being the most torturous thing in the world.
It took me about two weeks to recover from the op, and the best part is…
I didn't significantly lose any weight or become slimmer at all from liposuction.
Yup… No significant difference at all.
Would I recommend liposuction to anyone now? My answer is NO. Not unless you are already at a pretty ideal size and you just want to lose very stubborn pockets of fats like your arms or your love handles. The procedure itself is very invasive, and can even be dangerous. For the price you pay ($3-4k I think) and the recovery period of 2 weeks, I really think the cons largely outweigh the pros, especially if you don't see a significant difference like me.
In case you didn't know, lipo that is not done well will also result in uneven recovery and that area will turn lumpy or have strange dents. I was lucky enough not to have any major lumpiness or dents but I still feel like my tummy is a little weird at some spots (above the hips incisions, the skin/muscle there feels tighter and has minor bulges)
Also, lipo removes fat cells, but it doesn't mean that your existing fat cells can't grow bigger. There has also been research that lipo causes fat
To grow at other parts of your body instead. I always wonder if this is why I have a big problem with the stubborn fats on my arms ๐ญ
Up til today, I think my dad has no idea that I went through lipo, and of course I still have the scars on me.
I've never shared online about this before, because I didn't want to encourage anyone to go for lipo or think that I lost weight through lipo. So let me repeat again, please don't consider liposuction unless you know exactly what you're in for.
So I survived the liposuction, and I was still fat.
And still desperate to lose weight.
I guess at that point of time I would try ANYTHING to lose some weight, whether it was dangerous or not.
In the end, I went back to the doctor who performed the lipo procedure on me, and he prescribed me a weight loss drug that would help to suppress my appetite and aid in weight loss.
It worked.
When I was on the drug, I wasn't hungry at all and I found it much easier to control my food cravings.
I went on an extreme diet and exercise regime, jogging/exercising for 45mins-1h five times a day, and cutting out most of my carbs and junk food.
I would exercise in the morning, then have an apple for breakfast. Lunch would be my usual stir-fry zhi char but with half portion of rice or noodles or beehoon. (Nothing deep-fried.) Dinner would be soup or sometimes I would have another apple.
It was a very hardcore diet but I had an established routine going and I stuck to it. Plus I was single then (of course) and didn't have much of a social life, which helped.
In 3 months time, I'd lost about 10-12kg and everyone was shocked. I was no longer that fat girl anymore and suddenly I felt like a brand new person!
On my 20th birthday, when I had slimmed down a lot and was weighing around 53kg.
To be honest, the appetite supressant drug did help me with weight loss. However, this drug is now discontinued and also banned in Singapore because it is UNSAFE and may potentially cause cardiac arrest or liver damage.
I remember having some pretty nasty side effects while on the drug, like serious heart palpitations, dry mouth, and insomnia. Other side effects include anxiety and depression.
Bottom line is, drugs and surgery may seem like a tempting quick fix and solution, but believe me when I say that it is NOT worth the potential health implications and risks. I've been there and done that.
At that point of time (as luck would have it), I also met YZ and got into my first relationship. Guess he was the lucky one hahaha not me ๐
I still wasn't skinny, but now I was finally NORMAL, and not fat/overweight anymore!
This is when I discovered the joys of online shopping and also started embracing makeup and getting really into beauty.
I slowly started to resume my unhealthy eating habits and stopped exercising regularly. I thought that now I had successfully lost weight, I'll be able to maintain my size and no longer go back to my fat days again.
Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that guys.
So my weight started creeping up bit by bit over the years.
YZ and I love eating a lot and our relationship centers around meals and food! We can really feast and eat like crazy. Some people don't need to watch their diet at all to maintain their weight cos they are born genetically skinny.
But for YZ and I, we put on weight easily ๐ญ
My weight fluctuates up and down like the stock market. But even I was horrified to step on the scales and realize that I'd put on more than six kg ever since my initial weight loss..
My heaviest over the past few years was about 57kg? During my wedding I was about 54kg. But post wedding this year… I was freaking 58.8kg when I stepped on the scales at home! Just a few more kg and I'd almost ๆๅๅๅฝข to the darkest period of my life.
๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ
That was in April I think.
Unedited photo taken during CNY after super a lot of binging and feasting in Taiwan and Kukup.
I can photoshop myself in my own photos and try to flatter myself by taking photos from the best angles, but I can't lie to myself.
I was going back to becoming FAT and I didn't want that!!!
Unedited photo I took for an ad in April.
Thing is.. No one knows how bloody insecure I feel about being fat. I'm blessed enough to have a relatively sharp face and very small calves and wrists, but when I put on weight, it definitely shows.
And every event that I attend and I have to stand next to all the skinny and pretty bloggers really kills me inside.
I was so self-conscious and started to hate myself and felt disgusted whenever I saw how I looked like in photos, especially candid ones.
I was stressing out so much over what to wear for events because I had to look good and try to hide my fats.
It's not the fault of my friends but a lot of them are all tiny, pretty and skinny. What do you expect, as I'm in an industry where image matters a lot.
Every photo that I take with other bloggers at an event, I try not to stand at the side cos I'd definitely look even fatter. Sleeveless clothes were out of the question bcos I didn't even dare to reveal my big arms.
When I saw this photo, I was horrified and disgusted. Granted, it is a bad angle. But I looked like a COW.
I felt horrible about myself. I felt like a failure.
I know it's not healthy, but I couldn't help it. I constantly felt inferior and ugly when I compared myself to my peers, and I really really hated that feeling.
During SGFW when everyone was dressed to the nines and looking ultra-glamorous and pretty, I just worried about whether I would look fat or ugly and be judged by other people.
My inner voice was mocking me constantly. Telling me "You'll never be good enough." "Everyone will always be prettier and skinnier than you." "You will never be able to lose weight." "YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAT AND UGLY AND FEELING LOUSY LIKE THIS."
Instead of feeling so negative and lousy about myself, I decided that I needed to take action and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
On the 17th April, I started my 2-month programme at Slim Couture.
I decided that I had to be the change that I wanted to see.
As you know, this is not the first time that I did a Slim Couture TCM slimming programme.
It worked for me previously and in fact the first time I did the SC programme I lost about 4kg and saw significant improvement!
However, I never took care to "undiet" properly, or make any healthy lifestyle change to maintain the weight loss. In fact, I always ended up binge eating and eating a lot more calories than I should've, resulting in slow but steady weight gain over the days and months.
I told myself that I had to start afresh, and this time round, not just myself, but other people around me would see the results with their own eyes before I even talked about it.
And this is how I look today, one week after I completed my two-month programme at Slim Couture.
Successfully completing the weight loss programme is actually the reason behind me cutting my hair. I think long hair is like a security blanket for me and I feared having short hair because I was scared I would look fatter and disproportionate because of my small head and big body.
Now that I've lost some of the extra pounds on me, I took the plunge to celebrate by cutting my hair short!
No photoshop here.
Nor here.
I really never see my arms looking a bit slim before. First time in my life I hope it's not the last?!
I successfully lost 8kg in 2 months time.
Of course, weight is just a number but can you imagine how I felt when I saw the number 50KG on the weighing scale??!!!!
The last time I saw that weight was when I was 13 years old!!!
I still can't believe that I managed to even see that number on my weighing scale.
But it's not the number, it's how I feel in my clothes and how I look in the mirror that I'm elated about.
It's quite surreal, actually.
YZ lost more than 10kg together with me too and suddenly he's so much more confident about posing for photos again.
It's hard to admit that how we look and how we FEEL about how we look matters a lot to us.
However, like I said in my blog post,
..what I really want is to feel good about myself, and be the best version of myself. I can't emphasise enough about how important it is to LOVE yourself and to work towards losing weight because you want to be a healthier person both physically and mentally.
Obviously, I'm still not super skinny and I don't think I will ever, ever, be.
I will never be as skinny as my dear girlfriend Mel (whom I love dearly despite how much I hate this girl for how much she can eat and still be SO petite and skinny), just because my hips are built that wide, and my waist will never be that tiny.
Having excess weight on you doesn't just affect how you look. It was making me feel lousy about myself.
In such an image-conscious industry, I was constantly surrounded by good-looking people who were slim and gorgeous and well-dressed, and I wanted to be like them too. I wish I could look as good as they did. I felt disgusted with myself for eating, and for being fat. And that, I think, was the most unhealthy thing, ever.
In sharing this blog post, I hope I can encourage everyone who's feeling negative about their own body image to step out and make a change in your lives!
Learn to love yourself, and remember that no one is ever perfect. You will always always find flaws about yourself to pick over, because I know I do. But right now, I'm happy with where I am, though that doesn't mean I won't carry on striving to become a better version of myself!
It's not like now that I'm 50kg I stopped finding flaws with myself.
No way!!!!
But I feel so much healthier at least, with less fats on me.
Took this photo at the end of my 2-month programme, I think this is probably the flattest my tummy has ever been!
Of course this is taken in the morning on an empty stomach lah~~ with food inside different liao ๐
I also know that 50kg is really super unrealistic for me to maintain (HAHAHA) so I'm hoping to maintain around 51-52kg. Which I think is a very healthy weight for my height of 163cm.
And I know that the battle is not over yet. Cos maintaining weight loss is actually just as difficult as even losing weight in the first place.
I'm not going to keep on raving and promoting Slim Couture cos you all already know it works for me. There's more info about how Slim Couture helped me with losing this 8kg on my blog if you want to read more.
But especially for my readers, Slim Couture is offering 10% off all packages signed before the end of July! Just call up and let them know that you're my reader, or head down for a free consultation. The people there are so nice and genuinely there to help you, they are not pushy at all!
SLIM COUTURE
Official website: www.slim-couture.com
Facebook page: www.facebook.com/SlimCouturePteLtd
Instagram: www.instagram.com/SlimCoutureSG
18 Cross Street, #02-06
China Square Central
Singapore 048423
Tel: (+65) 6536 8586
190 Clemenceau Ave 2,
Singapore Shopping Centre, #05-29
Singapore 239924
Tel: (+65) 6336 8665
I'm gonna share some tips for weight loss instead and I hope you will benefit from it!!
Honestly I read up so SO much about weight loss and nutrition liao I think there's too many different tips and tricks to share. But let me just share what I think are the 5 easiest and simplest tips for weight loss!
1. Drink LOTS of water
But try to drink moderate amounts of water throughout the day and preferably before 8pm!
After 8pm I find that if you drink too much water you actually weigh more in the morning and look puffier cos of water retention.
Drinking water helps to flush out salt and toxins and also keeps you full. Sometimes you think you're hungry but actually you're just thirsty. So, drink up!!
2. Everything in moderation is better than restriction
If you keep telling yourself you're on a diet you're on a diet, chances are you are gonna fail so hard.
Because once you start feeling deprived, the moment you get the chance to, you're gonna overindulge in all your favourite calorie-laden foods and your diet is going to crash like crazy.
It's ok to eat even the unhealthy stuff, but IN MODERATION.
Half a cupcake is ok. Three whole cupcakes are not ok.
A small bowl of chips is ok. The entire packet of Lays is NOT ok.
3. Reduce your carb intake
Carbs is the killer for me. Noodles, rice, no matter what kind of carbs. I love them and once I start, it's so hard for me to cut it out!
Try reducing the amount of carbs you take, like for instance, if you usually have rice/noodles for lunch and then again for dinner, just have one carb meal a day.
There's so many other yummy foods! Like maybe even a meat-based meal like roast chicken (one of my fav foods now)
4. Cut down on liquid calories that don't fill you up
You know your culprits. Bubble tea, Starbucks frappes, Coke and other soft drinks.
They are chock full of calories and sugar that do nothing for you and don't even leave you satiated. And once you get your sugar kick from these artificial sugars, you crave them even more and get addicted to them.
Eat real fruits!!
I love golden kiwi, cherries, blueberries and dragonfruit now. And these are all delicious and sweet!
5. Weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise
If you work out and exercise regularly and you're not losing weight, chances are that you're actually overcompensating for the calories out (exercise) with the calories in (diet)
I remember I was running regularly for a few months and saw so little results weight loss-wise. Because the couple hundred of calories I burnt was just not enough to justify the amount I ate!
"Aiya I ran this morning so I can eat more for dinner." sort of mentality. Sounds familiar?
Weight-loss is actually 80% diet!
This is one of my favourite healthy meals.
Salad from Cedele/Toss'n'Turn!!!
And it's huge and filling too!! I usually get balsamic dressing which is the healthiest.
This might not look that appetizing but it's super delicious! My favourite roast chicken from Rotisserie at China Square Food Central.
Chicken and salad, you get a great source of protein and healthy greens!
I want to be able to maintain this healthy and lighter weight, and hopefully even tone up and get fitter!
It's not gonna be easy because I will have to make a big lifestyle change, especially in terms of my long term daily diet. Gotta keep it healthy and balanced!
I'll def keep on sharing whatever I learn along the way and keep everyone updated on my progress too cos I want this to be a permanent change! ๐ช๐ป
10 years ago and now.
Wao this collage is freaky cos my fringe and facial features look exactly the same!
I never want to return to those dark periods of self-loathing and negativity, because that ruined me as a person and made me feel unworthy and unhappy.
But instead of stressing myself over maintaining my current weight which would obviously still make me an unhappy person, I will do my best to focus on loving my body and feeding it healthily because it deserves the best. ๐๐ป
And to every girl (and guy) out there who's fighting the same battles as I do, don't give up! You are not alone! ๐ช๐ป
Lastly, do it for yourself and not for anyone else because it will be so worth it!
PS. If you have any questions pertaining to weight loss or anything at all, just leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer you! ๐
Gonna hashtag this #yinagoeshealthy and for all future relevant posts so it's easier to keep track! ๐ช๐ป