The question of the year

Dear Dayre,

I've been quite religiously working on blogging this week and last! A couple of blogposts from taiwan travelogue are on the blog, and I have quite a lot of blog posts on my to-write list.

It's also sort of a short CNY lull period for me before TVD launches come back in full force again. Thinking of all the work that needs to be done is sometimes stressful but I usually tell myself to deal with it and just do it. No point worrying or thinking so much since it isn't even productive.

So now that I'm married and all that, obviously, many people have been asking me the next big question, which is, "When are you planning for a baby?"

Cept most ppl (relatives esp) are nowhere near as polite as that and usually they'll just say "Eh! Don't wait liao la! Time for a 羊宝宝! Now SG50 you know?! You not young liao lah!"

I know YZ wants kids, but it sort of annoys me when he says stuff to my relatives and all and dropping subtle hints (or maybe not so subtle) about wanting to have kids. Maybe he's just joking lightheartedly or maybe not, but I got so irritated once while we were with another friend and on the topic of making babies again (bcos apparently 羊年 is the best year for YZ and I to have a baby in and somehow I think YZ is secretly keen on having a 羊宝宝) that I said "AIYA 你那么想要羊宝宝你还是找别的女人生啦" 😒

Which on hindsight is quite rude but I was just feeling annoyed with the recurring topic at that point in time.

Even tho YZ 口口声声 says he will respect my decision on when I want to start trying for kids, I can't help but to feel he's being a little passive aggressive in this aspect, because he himself wouldn't mind having children earlier rather than later.

Even facebook comments like these kind of make me feel that he's trying to subtly pressure me into wanting to have a baby soon. Or maybe I'm just being sensitive. =.=

Bothered me so much I actually voiced out to YZ that I'm definitely not thinking of making babies this year at all and to please stop mentioning anything more about 羊宝宝 and what not.

And then this husband had to go to the other extreme! When one of his relatives or friends asked about baby-making plans, he said something like,

Oh, Yina doesn't want to have babies, 她比较喜欢养狗多过养孩子~!

It is true that I love dogs, but it is not true that I said I never ever want to have kids and I would rather keep a pet dog than have a baby.

And I think it's a very horrifying thing to say to other relatives/friends because it leaves a negative impression of me and makes me sound like a very heartless person and bad wife!

To be honest, I really didn't like kids five or ten years ago, because I had no idea how to handle them or play with them. But after I've been interacting with YZ's nephew and niece, as well as my own new baby nieces and nephew from my cousins, I do feel like I find kids and babies more likeable and adorable, especially the really cute ones 🙊 (Sorry, I am still biased to the cuter ones)

My cousin-in-law just gave birth to a big and healthy baby boy who was almost 4kg (??!!!) and natural birth somemore!

So throughout CNY I was listening to pregnancy and childbirth anecdotes from my cousins and aunts. As well as those of our friends who already have kids (which is almost every couple in YZ's clique since he's four years older than me..)

And also, been reading a lot about pregnancy and childbirth (both the good, as well as the negative parts and possible complications) due to all the mummy bloggers who are now going through/have gone through child birth.

Although learning so much about pregnancy and taking care of babies has made me more well-informed about this next stage of life, it's also made me more certain that this is a major decision that shouldn't be treated lightly at all.

Sorry daddy mummy, give me another 1-2 years to pop 一个孙子给你们 OK?

I don't feel ready for it right now and even though a lot people tell us to "顺其自然" cos even trying for a baby doesn't mean you get lucky on first try, I'm very certain that I'll only start trying for a baby maybe next year or next next year.

This year, I'd like enjoy our "二人世界", travel the world more and work hard for my business and career still!

Ok lah, just ranting. I'm not complaining about YZ ok cos he's been an absolutely sweet husband to me! I just cannot tahan all the baby-making references coz I'm sure all the newly weds know how irritating it is when people (not even close to you) ask you about baby-making plans wtf.

Might as well ask me EH HOW OFTEN YOU HAVING SEX AH?

Private and confidential ok understand?

That being said, it's not like I haven't been imagining myself one day having a baby, and wondering if I'll have a baby boy or baby girl (tbh I think baby girls are super cute la but even if I have a baby boy I'm sure I will still love him haha) and also wondering how YZ and my baby will look like.

Worst case scenario, he/she may inherit YZ's single eyelids, thunder thighs/calves and my meaty back/fat arms/big butt LOL 😭 Aiya, just being superficial I know. Bb 只要健健康康,长大会做好人最重要.

And also will he/she look super 欠扁 cos YZ looked very very very 欠扁 as a kid LOL. Luckily he grew up to become quite good-looking (right. Hahahahha)

Look at that super cheeky and naughty face on the left.

Alright, as long as you grow up handsome and charming like your papa alright?

I will pray hard that if I have a baby girl, she will look like my gorgeous SIL hahaha *there is hope yet*

If my future bb takes after me and is a girl, then I hope that she inherits my cheerful disposition, double eyelids and skinny calves LOL. Please don't give her 大小眼 like me 🙏

All that speculation when I'm not even ready for kids yet.

Well, I know that one day I will eventually start trying for kids, but I so agree with @eustacia, when that time comes, it will be of my own prerogative and the husbands/boyfriends should understand that it is a major life-changing decision for a woman and not be the source of unnecessary pressure!

Which I think the men will never truly understand. All they need to do is to have sex and POOF nine months later baby appears.

There are so many risks and worries and complications during pregnancy and childbirth that could go wrong. It's very heartbreaking to know and hear of babies being born with terminal health problems, and to know that 10-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriages.

I was born 2 months preemie and my parents suffered a lot during that period of time I was in ICU as a baby.

Kids are really a huge huge responsibility and it's not just about how it will affect my own lifestyle/body/whatever. I'm prepared to accept that parenthood is a life-altering event, but I'm even more worried about the idea of bringing a life into this world and being solely responsible for bringing up this little one.

One thing I worry about is our local education system. It is so stressful and competitive! I don't know how a kid is gonna have a happy childhood growing up in Singapore.



So much respect for all the mummies (and daddies) out there!

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