I am a cow 🐮

Dear Dayre,

I had a damn long day today cos I was up at like.. 6am? Couldn't get back to sleep so I figured I'd just wake up and get some work done before event at 9.15am!

The event was at Keppel Bay, which is like damn far away and inaccessible, especially during peak hour in the morning wtf. Thank God I had YZ to drive me over if not I don't know what if have done!!

Had the company of two pretty girls @melissackoh and @mongabong at the event yay! Went for brunch together at Prive just downstairs before Mel gave me a lift back home so that I could grab my stuff before running outta the house again for my voice lesson.

We made use of the super nice scenery to take OOTDs and all three of us took our pictures at the same spot hahahaa. Anyways, just launched this dress on #thevelvetdolls!! Super festive, perfect for CNY 😻😻😻

It was cold today so I pulled on a scarf and luckily I did cos it remained so chilly and windy throughout the entire day!

After voice lesson, I went back to Alexandra area around because of a briefing/training for this Saturday's ELLE Spectre Tea with HP Event! Gonna be giving tips and guiding y'all on how to use Lightroom to do color editing and batch processing etc, so it's gonna be fun I think!! @evonnz, @beatricesays and @withlovetricia are gonna be there too!

The details are on my Instagram so if you wanna get exclusive invites go check out my Instagram!

One event get to meet all four of us!! Good deal hor?

Our session ended at 6 ish and I headed to dinner with Evonne and Tricia at Holland V.

Ended my day with churros from Churrosity: they were not too bad!

I've been feeling abit under the weather lately 😔

I think it's partially cos of PMS (though my period is not supposed to be here for another two weeks but my boobs are HUGE and feel sore: TMI for the guys sorry!)

And also my appetite has been humongous and ever since YZ and I broke our 5-days fast I've been eating like nobody's business and feeling terribly lousy about it.

Also possibly cos of stress over work during this CNY period and various other factors.

I just don't feel good about myself. I feel disgusted with how fat I am, and how ugly I look. Put on a lot of makeup also feel like shit.

YZ keeps on assuring me that I look just fine, but I hate hate hate how I'm feeling about myself right now 😔

Been feeling so unhappy with little things like when I went to do my eyelash extensions and nails especially for CNY I feel so sucky even though they were both well-done.

Like for instance I asked for blue and pink lash extensions at the end of my eyes like how I tried before previously and I thought they were super nice the last time I did them? But this time I just feel really meh about it.

And I spent so long deciding on my nail art during my nail session and the outcome is really very pretty but I ended up sort of regretting not doing the other design I had in mind..

Seriously don't know why I'm so affected!

Yesterday I went for fitting at G2000 for Saturday's event with Tricia, and I felt really shitty about myself too. This Tricia is so freaking tiny that G2000's smallest size was loose on her?!

I had a hard time picking my clothes too, obviously not cos I was too tiny for them (Ha ha I wish) but cos I felt that I didn't look nice in them at all. I felt so ugly and fat in all the clothes I tried on 😔

In the end I picked three items after much deliberation, one blazer, one knit sweater and one long sleeved blouse, cos at least they can hide my fats.

I feel so stressed because I'm not skinny and pretty. And I feel like a disgusting and fat piece of lard 😭

On a funny note, mummy made me look through some unwanted stuff for spring cleaning when I got home and I found these photos that I stashed away many years ago cos I couldn't bear to see how fat I looked back then.

Thankful that I look slightly better now, but I'm feeling the exact same way right now, full of self-loathing and disgust for myself and how I look. Tried to take so many shots for ootd today but I looked like a cow. I hate it.

Somemore I'm going to get married in less than a year's time. Was complaining to YZ that the men don't have it so bad cos all they have to show are their faces. Whilst for us girls we can't hide anything in a wedding gown except maybe chunky thighs or something.

Doesn't help that I'm always surrounded by skinny and pretty girls. My life sucks.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this feeling sucks 😭😭😭😭😭

Sorry you had to read my superficial rant.

Just one of those days. 😔

I know I need to stop whining, and just friggin do something about it! Grrrrrr.


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