Day 23/24: I am a cow/The green-eyed monster

Day 23 : I am a cow


Dear Dayre,

I had a damn long day today cos I was up at like.. 6am? Couldn’t get back to sleep so I figured I’d just wake up and get some work done before event at 9.15am!

The event was at Keppel Bay, which is like damn far away and inaccessible, especially during peak hour in the morning wtf. Thank God I had YZ to drive me over if not I don’t know what if have done!!

Had the company of two pretty girls @melissackoh and @mongabong at the event yay! Went for brunch together at Prive just downstairs before Mel gave me a lift back home so that I could grab my stuff before running outta the house again for my voice lesson.

We made use of the super nice scenery to take OOTDs and all three of us took our pictures at the same spot hahahaa. Anyways, just launched this dress on #thevelvetdolls!! Super festive, perfect for CNY

It was cold today so I pulled on a scarf and luckily I did cos it remained so chilly and windy throughout the entire day!

After voice lesson, I went back to Alexandra area around because of a briefing/training for this Saturday’s ELLE Spectre Tea with HP Event! Gonna be giving tips and guiding y’all on how to use Lightroom to do color editing and batch processing etc, so it’s gonna be fun I think!! @evonnz, @beatricesays and @withlovetricia are gonna be there too!

Our session ended at 6 ish and I headed to dinner with Evonne and Tricia at Holland V.

Ended my day with churros from Churrosity: they were not too bad!

I’ve been feeling abit under the weather lately.

I think it’s partially cos of PMS (though my period is not supposed to be here for another two weeks but my boobs are HUGE and feel sore: TMI for the guys sorry!)

And also my appetite has been humongous and ever since YZ and I broke our 5-day fast I’ve been eating like nobody’s business and feeling terribly lousy about it.

Also possibly cos of stress over work during this CNY period and various other factors.

I just don’t feel good about myself. I feel disgusted with how fat I am, and how ugly I look. Put on a lot of makeup also feel like shit.

YZ keeps on assuring me that I look just fine, but I hate hate hate how I’m feeling about myself right now

Been feeling so unhappy with little things like when I went to do my eyelash extensions and nails especially for CNY I feel so sucky even though they were both well-done.

Like for instance I asked for blue and pink lash extensions at the end of my eyes like how I tried before previously and I thought they were super nice the last time I did them? But this time I just feel really meh about it.

And I spent so long deciding on my nail art during my nail session and the outcome is really very pretty but I ended up sort of regretting not doing the other design I had in mind..

Seriously don’t know why I’m so affected!

Yesterday I went for fitting at G2000 for Saturday’s event with Tricia, and I felt really shitty about myself too. This Tricia is so freaking tiny that G2000’s smallest size was loose on her?!

I had a hard time picking my clothes too, obviously not cos I was too tiny for them (Ha ha I wish) but cos I felt that I didn’t look nice in them at all. I felt so ugly and fat in all the clothes I tried on

In the end I picked three items after much deliberation, one blazer, one knit sweater and one long sleeved blouse, cos at least they can hide my fats.

I feel so stressed because I’m not skinny and pretty. And I feel like a disgusting and fat piece of lard

On a funny note, mummy made me look through some unwanted stuff for spring cleaning when I got home and I found these photos that I stashed away many years ago cos I couldn’t bear to see how fat I looked back then.

Thankful that I look slightly better now, but I’m feeling the exact same way right now, full of self-loathing and disgust for myself and how I look. Tried to take so many shots for ootd today but I looked like a cow. I hate it.

Somemore I’m going to get married in less than a year’s time. Was complaining to YZ that the men don’t have it so bad cos all they have to show are their faces. Whilst for us girls we can’t hide anything in a wedding gown except maybe chunky thighs or something.

Doesn’t help that I’m always surrounded by skinny and pretty girls. My life sucks.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this feeling sucks 🙁

Sorry you had to read my superficial rant.

Just one of those days.

I know I need to stop whining, and just friggin do something about it! Grrrrrr.


Day 24 : The green-eyed monster

Dear Dayre,

I woke up before six am (again?!) and couldn’t get to sleep, so here I am, “cheating” by turning my phone clock back to Friday so I can update on the “right” day..

Posted this on Instagram with a nice quote and caption:

Because all my friends are very cute.

Everyone was very concerned after reading my emo Dayre post yesterday and some texted me to make me feel better, and when I stepped into my supplier’s just now to pass them cakes I got for them from Audacious, my girlfriends all came to hug me and comfort me!

Like cell group like that Awww!!

But I can feel their sincerity and love one.

“People who are attracted to you because of your pretty face and nice body won’t be by your side forever. But the people who can see how beautiful your heart is will never leave you.”

So about the quote: you know I hardly do all these *insert quote and act wise* kind of stuff but I totally feel this quote!!

Next time I feel sucky about myself, I’ll just have to remind myself again that I’m beautiful on the inside (this sounds damn corny but ok) AND also outside. Beauty is in imperfection yah! *自我安慰*

And all my friends are like “You just need to stop hanging out with bloggers all the time. Hang out with us more.” LOL I’m sorry but this holds some truth to it.

My really close blogger friends aside, (I mean, not that I’m not envious of them at times, but I’m really comfortable with them and I know they don’t judge me and I don’t have to act perfect in front of them) sometimes when you see how perfect and amazing all these people are portraying themselves on Instagram and blogs and social media and what not, it’s really difficult not to start looking at your self and your life, and making unfair comparisons against all these “perfect” beings out there.

It’s also known as “Insta-envy”, and this can be really, really toxic.

I love social media to pieces, and I adore sharing on social media, but it’s the truth; everyone will always showcase the best part of themselves and their lives for public appreciation, cos that’s how things work.

Eat pretty cake, post on Instagram. Take pretty photo, post on Instagram. Aiya you know what I mean. And I’m like that too!

Just remind yourself once awhile that no one is perfect. Everyone’s life looks better on social media.

Like YZ and I are perfect couple 101 in this shot. But noooo, we also argue and quarrel sometimes, I always fart in his presence and he always needs reminders from me to trim his nostril hair.

What you see is NOT what you get.

A super chio effortless OOTD probably took 1000 shots (like what @tippytap always says haha). A tableful of beauty products sent to my doorstep looks gorgeous, but you dunno man, doing beauty reviews can be a bitch! Put on makeup just to take photo and write review, then wash off.

Face look super flawless on instagram, but you know it’s all 美图秀秀 and 1000 different photo filters and apps.


Like for instance I really want to sleep now cos I need to teach at 12 and after that I have event in the afternoon and dinner party at night and I need more sleep but I’m here waxing lyrical on Dayre…

All I want to say is!

My friends are right! I need to stop comparing myself with others out there and instead GET A LIFE, spending real quality time with friends I love, being happy doing what I enjoy and focusing on what really matters!

Technology was invented to connect people. Let’s stop comparing and start connecting.


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