Today (or yesterday) I spent my afternoon and evening with some girlfriends, and a huge portion of our conversation somehow fell upon the topic of relationships and partners.
Hmm.. Relationships are really very fragile things. Held together only by thin connections that may threaten to give way at any one moment when the natural balance of a relationship starts to tilt into imbalance.
It doesn't matter how long you've been in a relationship, or how well you know each other, or how far along a relationship you are, because even the slightest change or incident can result in a butterfly effect and cause a huge tsunami effect upon a relationship.
It sorta got me thinking. Humans are so volatile to change, and even the dynamics in a relationship can be entirely different at any one point of time. How can two persons who are constantly changing actually stay together and in love?
I've only been in one relationship for real so it's not like I'm damn experienced. But I've heard a lot from girlfriends sharing about their various relationships, and it shocks and amazes me how 东西说变就变.
Started thinking back to December 2013 again and I realised that I might possibly not be with YZ today, had he not clung on for dear life to our relationship that fateful night. I was almost ready to give up because I was super sian and negative about our relationship at that point of time.
So anyway, yes.. I really gave this issue some deep thought. (You know, I've always been very interested in sociology and interpersonal relationships. Had I enrolled in uni, I would have considered a degree in sociology cos I find human behavior very fascinating.)
What happened that time was that I was feeling totally mind-fucked and frustrated by the entire situation, I'd initially just wanted a "cool-down period" but I think YZ probably thought 如果给我时间 cool down 就完蛋了, so he went pretty much ballistic on me and went from calm demeanor to angry, then accusing, panicked and emotional.
And of course I felt extremely terrible to make the man I cared for become a wreck, so I promised to talk things through with him, so in the end he win, cos I 心软 😅
My point is that had he just walked away that night, I might have just moved on and eventually got over the heartbreak. But he really and desperately did his best to keep me, and we've managed to make things work out til today, and are still happily together.
This makes me super appreciative because I think the one problem we have in today's society is that because we have it all so easily, we give up on things just as easily.
We all think we deserve better than what we have, and so we abandon our little patch of grass to go searching for greener pastures, but end up never satisfied.
I'm not saying that we should all settle for less, but I think when it comes to relationships, there needs to be a lot of mutual effort and work to keep things going. No one party should take things for granted, or just take a back seat in a relationship that is already "secured" and "safe".
I mentioned this before: I think love is a decision one has to make. When the euphoric high of new found love in a relationship has worn off and settled into a stage that's a little less romantic and a lot more practical (come on, cannot buy flowers everyday one right?), it's up to us to constantly show love and appreciation in our little ways for our partners, and not to start taking each other for granted.
Change is not always a bad thing, of course. Like for YZ's case, he changed from a super senso and over-zealous partner to now when he's able to be much more open-minded and accepting, not so easily upset over small incidents.
You know the first time I quarreled with YZ, I still vividly recall what we quarreled about.
GUESS WHAT. (I bet y'all confirm won't guess it one)
WE QUARRELED OVER….
So basically I thought his eyebrows needed some grooming and I volunteered to trim his virgin brows for him, lol. Apparently he's so proud of his thick eyebrows he never lets anyone near them cos it's his pride and joy.
And then after I was done trimming his eyebrows he looked into the mirror and he was all upset one kind because he thought I had somehow trimmed his brows into an ugly disaster with gaping holes in his brows and all that.
Like wtf right hahaha. Of course that time I was damn sad cos he scolded me! Saying like his eyebrows are his one pride and joy and I couldn't put in more effort to trim them nicely instead of leaving a big hole in his brows etc.
FOR THE RECORD, he naturally had abit sparser hair at the front of one brow??! It was totally not my fault!
Damn funny whenever I bring up this incident to tease him. This is how senso he could be ok. He probably said something along the lines of, "Don't you want your boyfriend to look good? Why couldn't you put in more effort to do a better job to trim my eyebrows?" Wtf
Well, for YZ, he really put in a lot of effort to improve himself for the better, which I feel is beneficial to him as a person and not just beneficial to our relationship. I think change is good, if it's positive change. Like for instance now when I trim his eyebrows he won't even obsess over his reflection in the mirror afterwards but he just trusts me to have done a good job. Either that or he does obsess over his reflection and praises me for making him look so 帅 😂
(I'm kind of just nonsensically rambling.. I do have a train of thought somewhere but I lost it along the way. Anyway, it's bed time! I may carry on tomorrow…)
Hello I'm back!!
So busy today cos it's photoshoot day with @tasteofapple before I fly off tonight.. But it's full steam ahead until CNY so I'm gonna just chiong all the way! 💪💪💪
I woke up today to many intriguing and thought-provoking comments on this post, some which I agree with and others that I have opinions about, so I'm gonna address these comments later!
@myojojo put forth an interesting question regarding 人的本性, AKA true nature and character. In my opinion, it takes a lot to alter one's basal nature and character.
However, this doesn't mean anything when it comes to love and relationships. In the very first place, falling in love is pretty much illogical, which is why girls always end up falling for jerks, no?
Nothing is black and white when it comes to a relationship. So it has nothing to do with your 本性 or character. A man who is morally upright and wouldn't kill a fly could be a terrible partner.
What changes is the heart. If your partner has had a change of heart somehow, nothing matters anymore.. It doesn't matter if he used to treat you like a princess or goddess. Once his love for you is gone, he'd pretty much be a 'changed' person.
Here's a sticker to break the monotony of so much text.. I'm done with shoot!! Phew. Didn't go too badly I think? Now I need to go get my Hong Kong dollars changed and then go home and pack for the trip!
We're leaving home at 5am and I haven't packed or prepared a single thing. Good luck to me. I'm probably gonna be editing photos during the flight….