I think I've reached the end of my threshold for dieting, or my willpower has lost control over my appetite… I wake up and the first thing I want to do everyday is.. EAT.
I haven't had carbs (rice, noodles, pasta) for the longest time!
Thing is, it's just ONE MORE WEEK to the end of my #SlimCouture sessions, so I should really be sprinting with my last burst of energy and determination to reach my finishing line!
So depressing 😔 I will not let myself be defeated by myself!
Being a fat kid for a huge part of my life (through childhood and teenagerhood) is something that has shaped me both literally (geddit geddit??) and figuratively.
I can't remember when I started to be the fat kid in class, probably sometime in Primary School?
I wasn't always fat because I was born a 7-months preemie and used to be really small and skinny. But either my genes or appetite caught up with me, and I've been at best chubby, and at worst "那个肥妹" ever since I can recall.
I guess I can attribute part of my size to my love for food.
My appetite is HUGE! And I love junk food. But you know how some people can eat and eat like nobody's business but they're still thin as a stick? Well, that's definitely not me.
As a fat kid, I often got discriminated too.. Which is a pretty common occurrence. Added to that, I suffered from an obvious lisp in my childhood (now still have also, and I am always conscious of it whenever I have to meet new people which is ALL THE TIME FML or have to be up on stage talking, giving a presentation or whatever)
AND HUH, I used to have ptosis, also known as 大小眼 which I had to go for surgery to correct at the age of 8.
That's sissy on the left and me on the right.
When I was in kindergarten, I used to look in the mirror and cover the half of my face with the uneven eye and feel very sad 😔 I felt like I was a freak 😔 It was tough to be different from the rest, in such a glaringly obvious way..
Thank God I developed some pretty thick hide that made me as indifferent as I could be towards jeers, insults and malicious jokes from classmates who found it funny to laugh and tease me for my defects.
I hated it most when classmates teased me about my lisp.
They'd mimic the way I talked and call me Daffy Duck. And the worst part is I couldn't even refute their teasing and name-calling because I knew they were right, I didn't sound that far off from a joke.
I thought I was probably doomed to be #foreveralone too, and one incident that I will remember FOR LIFE is when a neighbor of mine who hung out regularly in a clique together with me was teased for "liking" me, and he said right in front of me,
Huh? Please, Yina is so ugly and fat, why will I like her?
Luckily, 10 years and 10kg later, I'm sure I'm the one having the last laugh 😤
Yours truly, the pink whale.
Despite everything I've worked hard for in the last few years, my past is always there to haunt me, I can never run away from it. 😭
Well, it's okay cos I'm a fighter!
Life won't get me down just because I'm not skinny and perfect.
And now it's time for dinner hohoho