大功告成.

okok this isnt much of a “how-to”. hahaha. and i’m sorry it’s so ugly, it looked so much better on the site i got the recipe from! tastes pretty yummy though, like butter cake with a tinge of hazelnut and chocolate. you can get the original recipe from here! If my mom eats it, it means it passes the “edible” test. cos she’s always saying that the stuff i bake is too sweet/not nice. so yeaaa. whatever. there’s only 1/3 left! it tastes great with chocolate sauce drizzled over and served warm. all i need is some ice cream.

obviously i’ve been rather lazy lately, as you can tell from the above two outfits. the only thing that “changed” is my top. still very much a fan of high-waisted shorts because for some reason they look just abit more chic than regular denim shorts. and i know i keep on wearing TVD stuff, but isn’t it normal? considering half the clothes i have lying around at home are TVD stuff. and i must admit i’ve been shopping less as compared to previously.. which isnt necessarily a bad thing, if you ask me. oh and i am still very much loving the sunburst necklace and am wearing it practically all the time. wore it today too with the BC ruffled top and denim shorts! mad love.

so last sunday, i headed down over to the…

needless to say, the queue for entrance was so long, it took me almost three hours to get in. plus my TBs didnt wait for me and went in before i arrived! :((( and you wouldnt believe it, but i actually left empty-handed! D: D: D: okay actually i’d intended to buy a couple of items, but the cashier queue scared me off. it snaked all the way from the entrance of the place, allll the way to the exit. so yes. after queuing for hours and having shoved my way through the very sardine-packed place, i was too exhausted and gave up and left without getting anything.

oh well 🙁

—–

was digging through my drawers, and lookie what i found!

anyways.
i was actually born with congenital ptosis in one eye, and went for an op when i was 8 to operate on my eye.

Ptosis is a medical term for drooping of the upper eyelids. Ptosis present at birth is called congenital ptosis. In mild cases of ptosis, the lid droops only slightly. In moderate to severe cases, the lid may partially or completely cover the pupil.

for my case, it was pretty bad, you can see in the younger pictures of me that i had “大小眼“, and i used to get pretty sensitive over it. 🙁 i think my childhood was pretty traumatising, cos in addition to having a weird eye, i speak with a lisp (and still do, which i am still rather sensitive over) AND i was fat. walao. such a sad kid.

K2 graduation picture.
i used to cover my defected eye and look at myself in the mirror and feel really sad. i think i even cut up this picture (apparently there was another copy lying around) because i felt like i was such a freak.

and i especially hated meeting and talking to new people. partially because of my lisp (i cant say S or Z or C or consonants that require you to make a hissing sound with your tongue very well) and people never understood what i meant. and little kids are the most innocently and painfully honestly. sometimes my new classmates would ask “why you talk so funny one?” and i immediately felt like a freak (again) and obviously i couldn’t answer that question either because i can’t help the way i speak, and i didnt know why i couldnt speak like a normal person either.

walao.

sad childhood or what.

so in order to disguise my lisp, when i was supposed to answer “yes”, i would say “yea”,
if people asked what my name was, i wouldnt say “my name IS yina”, i’d say “i’m yina”

had classmates who thought they were very funny too and imitated the way i spoke, and laughed at me.

had classmates calling me “fat and ugly”.

and in response to all the negativity, i think i just became extremely guarded and fierce so that i wouldn’t get bullied by my peers. i used to chase boys down in primary school and hit them so hard they cried. my way of protecting myself was to be nothing short of hostile, stoic and untrusting.

which also explains my celibate past because i was so afraid of getting hurt.

anyway.

dont know what’s with the grandmother story.

but actually i just feel lucky that i didnt have it worse, and i still grew up as a fairly healthy and balanced person. hahahahaha.

though i’m still wary of meeting new people.
and i still dont dare to say “my name is yina”

but at least i know that people around me who care enough to stay around will accept me for who i am.
and that’s good enough 😀 😀 😀 😀 YZ thinks my lisp is cute. even though i hate it.

so yea. that’s also why i’m so immune to people saying mean things about me, cos i’m used to it and it doesnt bother me anymore.

😀 😀 😀

BUT MY EYES ARE STILL UNEVEN.

kns. i want to go for a re-op 🙁